Adversity
by amber3234
Summary: Olivia is having a hard time getting past the ordeal William Lewis had put her through. Her life was a mess. Her relationship with Brian Cassidy was crumbling. How will her relationship with Brian survive when all she does is push him away? Set two months after Surrender Benson.
1. Chapter 1

**New story! I'm very excited about writing this and I hope you all will be as excited to read it. Please read and enjoy! :)**

* * *

Olivia sat in her apartment that night, thinking about the last two months of her life. Thinking about Brian. Thinking about Lewis.

Tears kept falling from her eyes. There were good days and bad days, like tonight. Bad days when all she could think about was those four days spent with Lewis. Bad days where all she wanted to do was cry. Bad days where she just wanted to quit on life.

She had great support from her squad and boyfriend but, it just wasn't enough. She feels empty. She feels lost.

The loud beep coming from her phone shook her from her deep thoughts. She picked up her phone to see a message from her boyfriend.

'Liv, sorry that I had to work so late. I wish I was there with you.' –Brian

Brian was supposed to spend the night with Olivia but, he had to work late. She didn't mind because today was a bad day and all she wanted to do was cry. Cry about nothing and everything.

She pressed the reply button. 'It's okay. I'm heading to bed anyways. Goodnight.' –Liv

She kept it short so he doesn't ask questions.

Her phone started ringing. She sighed when she saw his name appear across the screen. She took a deep breath. "Brian," she said as a hello.

"Hey baby, is everything okay? It's only eight o'clock and you're already heading to bed?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm fine, Brian. I just had a long day at work," she lied. She didn't want him to know she was crying. She didn't want him to worry about her.

He nodded even though she couldn't see him. "How was your therapy session today?" he asked.

She sighed. She didn't like talking about therapy. "It was fine, as always Brian. Listen you should probably get back to work," she told him, not in the mood to talk.

"Uh yeah, okay. I just missed you and wanted to see how you were doing but, I'll let you get some sleep."

She closed her eyes, feeling bad for how she's been treating him. "I'm sorry Bri, I'm just really tired."

"No it's okay. I'll just talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

She smiled. "I love you too, Brian," she said and with that she hung up.

Brian hung up and looked at his phone. He knew she wasn't okay but, he didn't want to push her into talking about it. It was really getting to him because he just wanted to help her. He just wanted her to be the same Olivia Benson he fell in love with. He knew how much she was hurting but, it was so frustrating when she keeps pretending like she's okay when everyone knows she's not. He just wants her to be okay.

Olivia walked into her bedroom and lay in bed. She wasn't tired but, she wanted to go to sleep so she can just forget everything for a few hours. Even though she wasn't sleeping much because of the nightmares, it's still a few hours that she can just forget. She laid in bed thinking about Brian. He's been so supportive this whole time and she's been treating him like he doesn't matter. He always wants to see her and be with her when they're not at work but, she always makes excuses because she wants to be alone. He's always calling and texting her just to check up on her and just to say hi. He's really trying to be there for her but; she was making it so difficult.

The next morning, Olivia woke up at 8 am. She was very surprised that she slept the whole night. The only times she would get sleep was when Brian was sleeping next to her. She's been sleeping alone for the past two weeks. Brian would either be working or she would push him away and make up an excuse as to why he can't see her. They haven't seen each other in 6 days.

Olivia got out of bed and started getting ready for work when she heard her phone beep. It was Brian.

"Good morning, babe. I hope you're feeling better today and i hope you have a better day at work. I wanted to know if you wanted to get together tonight? I have the night off and I really miss you.' –Brian

She smiled at the cute message. He always knew how to make her smile. He would send her good morning texts and texts just to let her know he was thinking about her.

'Good morning. I'm actually feeling a lot better this morning. I don't know how long our case will be so I'll let you know if I'm free tonight.' –Liv

Brian smiled seeing that she wasn't making excuses as to why they can't get together tonight. Maybe she was finally starting to open up to him.

'Sounds good to me. Have fun at work while I relax ;)' –Brian

Olivia laughed at her boyfriend.

'Jerk :(' –Liv

'Love you :D' –Brian

She rolled her eyes. 'Yeah whatever. I'll call you later.' –Liv

He joked: 'Tell me you love me :(' –Brian

She laughed and shook her head. 'Fine, I love you.' –Liv

She quickly got ready then went to work. She really wanted to see Brian tonight so she hoped they would be able to leave early.

They had a case involving little children and the whole squad was on edge, especially Olivia. This case was really getting to her. They've spent hours chasing leads and it lead them nowhere.

By 8 pm, Cragen saw how frustrated they were getting. He told the five detectives to head home while other detectives worked on the case. They all objected but, Cragen wasn't having it. They obliged and went home.

Olivia got home and was not in the mood to see her boyfriend. She just hoped he would understand.

'Brian, I know we were supposed to get together tonight but, I had a really rough day at work. I just want to be alone for the night.' –Liv

Brian looked down at his phone and shook his head. He doesn't know why he's surprised. He should've expected this. It has been six days since they last saw each other and he was pissed. He's been trying so hard for the past two months and he feels like she's completely shutting him out.

'It's been 6 days Olivia. It's nice to know you don't miss me like I miss you.' –Brian

Olivia was changing into sweats and a tank top when she heard her phone beep. She walked into the living room, where her phone was, and picked up her phone. She closed her eyes and sighed as she read his message. She knew he would be mad.

She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to fight with him. Not tonight. Not ever but, especially not tonight. She was already fragile as it is.

It's been 10 minutes since she read his message. She didn't know what to say to him.

She hears her phone ring and she knows it's him. She wanted so badly to ignore it but, she knew he didn't deserve that.

She took and deep breath before she answered. "Hey," she greeted quietly. She knew he was mad. She was just hoping he wouldn't fight with her.

"What is this, Olivia? If you don't want to be with me then let me know. I'm sick of trying only to have you shut me out and make stupid excuses."

She could tell by his tone that he was ready for a fight. "Of course I want to be with you, Brian-"

He cut her off. "You really make it seem that way by how you keep trying to avoid me."

"Please don't fight with me right now," she said weakly with tears coming down her face. She was already an emotional wreck and she didn't need this from her boyfriend.

He could tell she was crying. "Call me when you want to talk."

Olivia listened to the dial tone after he hung up. She put her phone down and buried her face in her hands. She was ruining everything.

* * *

**So what'd you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Who saw the cute picture of Olivia and Brian for next weeks episode? My heart is exploding from how cute they are!**

**Please R&R! And of course enjoy!**

* * *

Olivia and Brian have not had the chance to talk the past two days after their fight. Their work schedules were hectic and after their fight, Brian just needed some space. He was angry and she couldn't blame him one bit. She was being unfair when all he wanted was to spend time with her. They don't get to see each other all the time so when there is a chance, they both take it. That was before Lewis.

The squad had finally finished their case around 7 pm that day when Olivia got a text. She was hoping that it was Brian but, no such luck.

Although, she was very shocked to see who the message was from. David. They hadn't spoken in almost a year.

'Hey Olivia, I know it's been almost a year since we talked but, I was wondering if you were free for lunch tomorrow. I would really love to catch up.' -David

Olivia was confused. Why would David want to have lunch with her? His message came out of left field. She was sure David knew about her and Brian so why was he asking her to lunch.

She didn't know what to say. She couldn't ignore him but, she didn't want to go behind Brian's back. There was no way she would tell Brian after their fight. He hated David Haden for some reason and that's the last thing their relationship needed.

She sighed and hit reply. 'David, I don't really think that would be a good idea.'

A few minutes later her phone beeped. 'I heard about what happened. I've been meaning to call you but, I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me. I really would like to have lunch as friends, Olivia. I know you're seeing someone and it is not my intention to ruin that.' -David

Olivia wasn't sure what to do. She knew David wasn't the type of guy to break up a relationship. Lunch with David wasn't the issue. Brian's reaction was.

She looked down at her phone and reread his message. He really does care about her. After what happened with Lewis, she believed him when he said that he meant to call her. She was in a very bad place and he expected that so he waited.

Maybe she owed him that much. She did care for David. I mean, she had a relationship with the guy that they both didn't want to end. Although, she had no intention of reigniting that flame. She loved Brian.

David just wanted to catch up and see that she was okay. There was no harm in that, right?

'How does 1 o'clock sound?' She replied.

'Perfect. Our usual place?' -David

'Sounds good. See you then.'

Olivia put her phone down and hoped she wasn't making a mistake. She trusted David and knew his intentions were good but, she just hoped it wouldn't be a problem for Brian.

She thought about calling Brian and telling him but, they were already on bad terms at the moment and this would make it worse. She decided to keep it to herself for now.

Olivia spent the whole day thinking of her boyfriend. It's been over a week since they last saw each other. They haven't seen in each other in six days before their fight and another two days after their fight. They never went that long without seeing each other.

She didn't want to be alone tonight. She just wanted her boyfriend.

Cragen sent them home around 10 pm. Brian had the night off so Olivia decided to head over to his apartment. She wasn't sure what his reaction would be but, she didn't care. She misses her boyfriend and she hopes that he misses her too.

Olivia got to his apartment and knocked on his door before she changed her mind.

After a few seconds, she heard the door open. Brian was in a tank top and boxers. He looked like he was getting ready for bed.

"Liv," he whispered.

"Hey. Um were you heading to bed? I could go," she said quickly and turned around.

He grabbed her arm before she left. "Woah, no I was just watching tv."

She turned around and nodded.

"Come in." He led her in turned off the tv. They both sat down on the couch.

They both stayed quiet for a few minutes.

"It's been a while," he joked, trying to get rid of the awkwardness.

She smiled at him. He always had a soft spot for her. He could never stay mad at her.

"Brian, I'm sorry for everything. I know I've been hard to deal with lately and I know you're just trying to help."

He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. I need to be more understanding. I just got frustrated is all. You're entitled to alone time, Olivia. Just because we're in a relationship doesn't mean we have to be joined at the hip."

"I don't blame you for getting mad. We haven't seen in each other for a few days and I really did want to be with you, I just wanted to be alone," she explained. She was surprised that he understood.

He took a hold of her hand. "I get it, babe. So no alone time tonight?" He joked.

She smiled and shook her head. "Nope. I've missed you too much."

He leaned in and kissed her. "I missed you too."

"You know, I was scared to drop by," she admitted.

He laughed. "Why?"

"Because you were mad at me and I didn't know how you would react."

"I was just frustrated, Liv, but we're okay now?"

She nodded and kissed him. "I love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

**Bet ya didn't expect David to make an appearance in this story :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**They're relationship is going to be like a roller-coaster so bear with me here. I'm trying to make it as realistic as I possibly can. With Olivia's emotions out of control, she can be happy one minute and sad/mad the next. As for Brian, it's hard to deal with a person going through a hard time when you just want to help them so he shows some frustration. And where's the fun if there's no drama :)**

* * *

Olivia woke up in the middle of the night with a jump. She laid there in cold sweat and heavy breathing. The nightmares were starting to feel very real. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. They shot back open when Lewis' face appeared.

With nightmares of Lewis occupying her mind, she couldn't fall back asleep. She pushed the covers away and slowly got out of bed, not wanting to wake Brian up.

Maybe some coffee would help, she thought.

She put on a fresh pot of coffee and walked into the living room with the hot mug in her shaking hands.

Olivia always felt safe in Brian's arms but, tonight she didn't want to bother him with her nightmares. He deserves a good night's sleep without her interrupting him.

She sat on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table. Sipping the hot fluid, she felt a little relaxed.

Brian woke up to find Olivia's spot empty. He got out of bed and walked out to the living room to find Olivia sitting on the couch drinking coffee and staring blankly.

"What are you doing up?" Brian asked, concerned.

"I couldn't sleep," she lied.

He took a seat next to her. "Nightmares?"

"No I'm just not tired."

"It's 3 am Liv. Listen, I know you're scared but, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"What are you trying to say?" she asked, defensively.

He looked down then back up to face her. Here she goes again. Pretending she's fine when it's so clear that she's anything but. "Olivia, you don't have to pretend that you're fine all the time. You went through hell those four days-"

"Excuse me? Who are you to tell me how to feel? You have no idea how I feel?"

"Because you don't tell me. Olivia, it's been two months and we haven't even talked about it. I just want to help you and you keep pushing me away. How do you expect to get better when you won't let anyone help you?" he raised his voice a little. He was trying to stay calm but, it was becoming impossible with how frustrating she can be.

He instantly regretted it when he saw the look on her face. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Liv, I'm sorry-"

She put her had up to stop him from talking. "No, I get it."

They both stayed quiet for a while, neither knowing what to say.

She stood up and walked into the kitchen to put her mug in the sink. She didn't know whether to be angry with Brian or herself. "We should head to bed," she said, softly.

Brian was still sat on the couch. He looked up and met her gaze. She quickly broke it and walked into the bedroom.

Olivia lay down in bed, hoping that she would be able to sleep. She didn't want to have this conversation with Brian again. She was turned facing the wall but, she felt Brian lay down next to her. He scooted over and put his arm around her waist.

**The next morning...**

Olivia was the first to wake up from her alarm. She looked over at Brian and saw him in deep sleep. He had the day off today and she was glad that he would get some much needed sleep.

Olivia walked into the bathroom for a quick shower. As the hot water fell, she felt at ease. Her shoulders relaxed and her mind was free.

After he soothing shower, she brushed her teeth and quickly did her hair and make up. She walked into the bedroom for her gun and badge. She smiled looking at Brian. He looked so peaceful when he slept.

She kissed his forehead softly and left.

They all sat at their desks, pretending to work on paperwork until a case came in. It had been a slow morning.

She heard her phone beep. She opened it to see message from David.

'Hey Liv, we still on for lunch?' –David

Crap, she had forgot about that. Well she already told him yes so she couldn't go back on it now.

'Yeah, I'll see you at 1.' -Olivia

'Sounds good. See you then.' -David

"Who are you texting? Brian?" Nick asked.

"No. Stop being nosey," she joked.

He rolled his eyes and smiled. "Fine, fine. So how are things going between you two?"

"It's going really good," she answered.

"Way to go, Liv," Amanda chimed in. She always liked Olivia and Brian together.

Well they all did, except for Nick. He was getting there, though.

"Good for you, Liv. It's good to see you happy." Nick smiled.

"Who would've though Olivia Benson and Brian Cassidy would be together? You broke his heart thirteen years ago," Munch joked.

"Shut up, Munch," Olivia joked back. Honestly, she was thinking the same thing. Thirteen years ago, she would have never guessed she would fall in love with Brian Cassidy.

"We're happy for you, Liv," Fin told her, genuinely.

"Thanks guys." She knew they were happy for her. Even Nick gave her a smile. He hated Brian but, he loved seeing Olivia happy.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU~

Olivia walked into the cafe that her and David loved going to when they were together. It had a homey feel to it and amazing food. It was also right across from her precinct so they would always meet there when she had a quick break from work. She immediately spotted David in a booth that was in the back. She walked over to him and smiled.

"David."

He stood up and gave her a quick hug. "Liv, you look great."

"Thanks, you too." She smiled and they sat down across from each other. "How've you been?"

"I've been good. How about you?"

"I've been better," she joked. "But I'm getting there."

He nodded. "I heard what happened and believe me, I wanted to call but I'm sure you needed some time to yourself."

"I know. I was in a bad place but, I'll be fine." She took a deep breath. "Anyways, let's not get into all of that."

He nodded, understandingly. "Shall we order?"

She nodded and he waved over the waitress. They placed their orders and had small talk until they're food arrived a few minutes later.

"So I heard you were dating again?" he asked. He heard she was in a relationship but, he didn't know with whom.

"Yeah, just someone I've worked with when I first started SVU and we worked a case together last year."

"Good for you. I'm glad you're happy," he said, genuinely.

David was a great guy. He always wanted what's best for everyone. "So how about you? Dating anyone?"

He laughed. "No, I'm happy being single for now. I'm just focusing on my kids. I'm thinking about going to see them within the next couple of weeks."

She smiled. "You'll find someone." She knew he still had feelings for her. She had feelings for him too. David was an amazing guy and they were very happy together but, Brian made her happy too. Brian was the one that she loved. "How are your kids?"

"They're great, growing up way too fast though."

Lunch with David was actually really fun and not awkward at all. They always knew how to have a good time together.

They walked out of the diner together.

"Liv, thanks for meeting me. I had a great time."

"Me too, David. Thanks for asking." She gave him a quick hug.

"Maybe we can do this again?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'll see you later."

He gave her another hug ad they said their goodbyes.

Neither seeing who was watching them from across the street.

* * *

**Ooohh who was watching them? Any guesses? Please review! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia walked into the precinct after her lunch with David. She walked over to her desk and pulled out her phone. She was disappointed that she hadn't heard from Brian yet. After their fight this morning, she just wanted to hear that they were okay.

"Hey Liv, you just missed Brian. He was just in here asking for you," Munch informed her as he walked over to the coffee table.

"Oh when?" she asked, surprised that he didn't call or text her before he dropped by.

"About 10 minutes ago. I told him you were taking your lunch break," Munch responded.

She nodded and dialed Brian's number. It rang and rand but, no answer so she decided to send him a quick text.

'Hey, call me when you get chance.' -Liv

She was happy that he dropped by to see her. Although they didn't get to see each other, it was nice knowing he was thinking about her.

Olivia hadn't heard from Brian all day. She tried calling him a few more times and sent him another text but they were all left unanswered.

He's probably busy at work, she thought. She was shaken out of her thoughts when Brian and his partner Michael Groves walked in.

"Cassidy what brings you to your old stomping ground?" Munch cracked.

Brian smiled. "We caught a case with you guys. Is Cragen in his office?"

Munch nodded and Brian and Groves walked over to his office. After a few minutes, Cragen emerged from his office with Brian and Groves following behind. They explained the case to the detectives and went on their way to interview the victim, witnesses, and to check out the crime scene.

The day was very hectic which kept Olivia and Brian apart. She could sense that he was being cold to her and she wasn't sure why.

They had some down time so Amanda and Fin brought dinner for everyone. They were all sitting around the table in the eating area. Olivia noticed that Brian was avoiding eye contact with her the whole day. He was acting like she didn't exist. He would acknowledge whenever someone else would talk but, not Olivia.

After dinner was eaten and cleaned up, it was back to work. Nick and Olivia were on their way to interview a new witness.

"You okay, Liv?" Nick asked as he noticed her spacing out.

She looked over and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Why?"

"Oh, nothing, I just noticed you and Cassidy weren't really talking?"

"No, we're fine," she lied.

He nodded and dropped it.

**SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU**

Nick and Olivia walked back to the precinct and filled the rest in on their new information.

Brian walked over to the coffee table. It was nearing 11 pm and there wasn't a chance they would be able to head home anytime soon.

Olivia took this as her chance to talk to him. She walked over and grabbed a coffee mug.

"I've been calling you all day," she told him.

"Yeah, I've been busy," he said, coldly.

She raised her eyebrows regarding his tone. "You okay?" she asked.

"Fine." He replied and tried to walk away but she grabbed his arm.

"Brian, wait."

He pulled his arm away and walked over to Munch who seemed to have a new theory about their case.

She walked back over to her desk with the hot liquid in her cup, ignoring the look from Nick.

**SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU**

Munch's lead led Brian and Groves to a gang member who caused quite the scene. They caught the gang member after he had shot at another gang member. They could charge him for that but, they wanted him for the rape too. They dragged him back to the squad and the detectives quickly stood up when they saw blood all over Brian's shirt.

"Whoa, you okay?" asked Fin.

"It's okay guys. It's not mine," he assured them. Brian had gotten blood on him when he went over to the victim while putting pressure on his wound until the ambulance arrived.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief.

Nick stood up. "I have a spare shirt."

They all looked at Nick, surprised that he was willing to help Brian out. They never got along but, Nick didn't want to cause problems with Olivia.

Nick led Brian to the locker room while Amanda and Groves took their suspect in for interrogation.

Nick handed Brian a plain black t shirt. It was big on Nick so it should fit Brian.

"Thanks man." Brian was surprised at Nick, as they all were.

Nick nodded. "No problem." Nick walked out as Olivia walked in.

She was quiet while Brian put the clean shirt on.

"I'm glad you're okay," she spoke with a sigh of relief.

He nodded, not bothering to look at her.

"Wanna talk?" Olivia asks, cautiously.

"Talk about what?" he mumbled.

She rolled her eyes at him. He was really going to do this right now? "About whatever it is that you're so angry about?"

"I'm not angry," he lied. He didn't want to get into this now. They were working and he didn't want to argue with her at work.

She scoffed. "So you're just being an ass for the fun of it?"

"Oh no, I have my reasons but, now isn't the time."

She could hear the anger in his voice. What had she done? Was this about this morning? "Now is as good time as any."

He stayed quiet.

"Brian, if you have something to say then just say it. Is this about this morning? Is it really that big a deal that you have to be a dick to me in front of my coworkers?" she was getting frustrated. She hated when he would beat around the bush.

That's it. He wasn't going to wait to get into this. She wanted to get into this now, well here he goes. "This has nothing to do with this morning. It has to do with the fact that I came to surprise you for lunch today after you've been a bitch this morning only to see you with that prick Haden. You want to be with this guy then tell me, don't do it behind my back and feed me this bullshit that I'm being the ass," he snapped.

She was taken aback. How did he find out? She hadn't told anyone.

"What, you think you can hide it from me and that everything would be okay? I don't even want to know how long this has been going on," he continued.

She walked a little closer to him. "Brian, it's not like that. He called and wanted to catch up after hearing what happened with Lewis. He just wanted to see that I was okay, that's it," she defended while keeping her voice down. The rest of the detectives and officers had gone home except the ones working this case. They didn't need to hear her and Brian fighting.

"Oh so you talk to this ass hat about what that piece of shit did to you but, not me. You shut me out when all I've been doing this whole time is try to help you. You're fucking unbelievable!" He threw his hands up and started to walk away.

"Why are you being like this?"

He stopped but didn't turn around. "Being like what? Being angry that you went behind my back with your ex-boyfriend who still has feelings for you?!"

"It wasn't like that Brian. I at least owe it to him-"

He quickly turned back around. "Owe it to him? Then go fucking be with him if you think you owe him something! You don't think you owe it to me to tell me what happened? To tell me what you're feeling?"

She felt the tears forming in the back of her eyes. "I didn't tell him anything! You think this is easy for me?! That I want to keep things from you?! It's not that simple, Brian! I can't just tell you everything that happened like it was nothing! I can't even think about it and you expect me to talk about it! I really don't need this from you, Brian." Tears were falling from her eyes at this point and she didn't care. She was so hurt and angry that she couldn't hold it in.

He just stood there shaking his head. He looked at her once more then stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

She sat on the bench after her legs gave out. She took a few deep breaths to try and calm her down but she just burst into tears. Her shoulders began shaking with each sob escaping her lips.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to hold her and tell her everything was okay. He wasn't supposed to walk out on her.

Olivia sat there trying to calm her breaths as she heard the door open. She quickly wiped her eyes, not wanting anyone to see her like this.

"Liv, what happened?" Nick asked as he took a seat next to her on the bench.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Liv, we all heard you guys yelling. I'm just worried about you," he explained.

"Nick, I really can't talk about this right now. I'm exhausted and I just want to sleep for a few hours." She stood up and was about to leave then she turned around to face Nick.

"Did he-" she started.

Nick already knew she was asking if Brian had left. "Munch followed him out. He'll calm him down and you two will be okay."

She nodded and kept quiet.

"Come on; let's get you up to the cribs." Nick led her up to the cribs and went back to his desk, hoping his partner would pull through.

**SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU**

Brian looked down on the city and breathed in the fresh city air. He rested his head in his hands until he heard the roof door open.

Munch walked closer to him and joined him in looking over the crowded streets.

"You okay?" Munch asked. These two had a close relationship. They were partners 14 years ago but, they still kept in touch this whole time. Brian looked at John as his mentor.

Brian kept his gaze down, focusing on the city life. He just shrugged.

"I know it's frustrating to try and help someone who won't talk to you," Munch tried.

Brian stayed quiet.

Munch continued, "Olivia is a very stubborn woman but, I don't think she's being stubborn about this. I just think it's hard for her to even talk about it. She's always been the strong one of the group. Whatever we went through, she was always our backbone." He paused for a moment. "Brian, this is probably one of the hardest things she's ever been through and she doesn't know how to deal with it. I know it's hard for you too but, if I know Olivia as well as I think I do, she's probably feeling helpless. She feels like she's not the same Olivia Benson because she couldn't defend herself against Lewis from the beginning. I know you Brian. I know you only want the best for her but, maybe the best thing for her at this moment is not to talk about it."

Brian looked over at John with glassy eyes. "I just feel so useless as her boyfriend. The night after those four days, she just cried and cried. I held her for hours while she cried. I never saw her like that and I just wanted to know what happened. I wanted to know so that I can make everything better. All I want to do is help her. I just want her to be the same person that I fell in love with," Brian admitted.

John looked over at his friend. He knew Olivia was put through hell for those four days but, to hear what Brian was saying, was just heartbreaking. "I know. And eventually she will tell you what happened but, maybe now isn't the time. Let her get all her emotions together and then she'll be ready to talk. For now Brian, just show her that you still see her as the Olivia Benson we all know and love. Don't treat her differently because of what she went through. Treat her the same way you always have."

Brian took all this in. He looked at John and nodded. John was right. Olivia hated that people were treating her differently. That made her feel like everyone thought she was weak and couldn't handle herself. "I just need to cool off tonight and I'm sure she needs to do the same."

"Of course. Give each other space for the night but, just understand where she's coming from Brian."

**SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU**

Olivia lay in a cot in the crib that night. She was exhausted from the day. They were still trying to get a confession out of their suspect but, all he kept saying is that he wouldn't talk until he got a deal.

Brian walked into the cribs an hour later being exhausted as well. He saw Olivia laying there. She looked over at him and then back down. He saw that Olivia's eyes were red and puffy but, he was still so angry that he didn't care to ask at that moment.

He was turning to leave, not being able be in the same room with her at the moment.

"Brian, please stay," she whispered quietly that he could hear the weakness in her voice.

They both knew that she was too scared to sleep alone but, she was too stubborn to admit it.

Although he was mad at her, he didn't have the heart to leave her like this. He lay down on the cot next to her and turned his back to her. He was mad at her but, he wasn't about to let her sleep while she was afraid.

Olivia sighed, realizing that he didn't want to talk. She turned the other way and closed her eyes.

* * *

**I loved writing the scene with Munch and Cassidy. I loved how when he came back to the show, he and Munch were still joking with each other and it's as if they've always been friends.**

**I know some of you may hate Brian in this chapter but, understand how frustrating it can be.**

**Please review. I made this chapter extra long you guys and I would love to know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

Brian was woken up to the sounds of Olivia's whimpers. He realized they were still in the cribs. He looked at his watch and saw that they had only slept two hours. He quickly got up and walked over to Olivia. "Olivia, wake up." He gently shook her.

Olivia jumped up and was breathing hard.

"Olivia, it's okay. You're okay. I'm right here." Brian gently held her hands, seeing tears on her face.

"I'm sorry," she apologized for no particular reason.

"It's okay. Here, scoot over." He motioned for her to move over so he can get in bed with her.

She did as she was told and he laid down next to her and held her while she rested her head on his chest. They were still angry with one another but, he would be there for her, no matter what.

"Brian-" she started. She didn't want them to be mad at each other.

"Olivia, let's not talk about it right now. Just go to sleep, okay?" Brian saw how exhausted she was and decided that this conversation can wait.

She nodded against his chest and closed her eyes.

Brian rested his chin on the top of her head and held her close. He wanted her to feel safe so she can get some sleep. He wanted her to know that no matter how mad he was, he wouldn't walk away.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Nick walked up to the cribs an hour later. They've found a lead and Cragen had told Olivia and him to catch it. He saw Olivia and hey boyfriend sleeping soundly. He felt bad for waking her up so he decided to ask Fin to join him.

Olivia and Brian woke up half an hour later.

"What time is it?" Olivia mumbled.

Brian looked at his watch. "It's 3 am."

"We should head down and see if they got anything yet," Olivia suggested.

They both walked down and saw Munch and Amanda at their desks.

"Where's everyone else?" Olivia asked.

"Nick and Fin got a lead on the suspect's cell phone. We might finally have him," Amanda replied.

As Amanda finished explaining their whereabouts, Fin and Nick walked in with a smile on their faces.

"Our suspect called our victim an hour before her attack. We had Morales track his phone from that night and it puts him at the scene of the crime," Fin told them.

"Let's go tell our suspect," Olivia suggested. Her and Nick found their way to the interrogation room.

They got a clear confession after the told their suspect they tracked his phone that night. Since they closed their case, Cragen told them all to go home.

"Liv," Brian called out.

She got up from her desk and walked over to where he was standing. He could see Nick glaring at him. Nick was starting to come around to Brian but, after his fight with Olivia, Nick felt that he needed to protect her.

"I have to get back to work. You going to be okay alone for the day?" Brian asked. He had to work all day today and he wanted to make sure she was okay.

She nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Okay, I'll see you when I get home." He turned around but she grabbed his arm.

"Can we talk real quick?" She didn't want this fight to drag out. She hated it when they were in a fight. She didn't want to feel this way.

"Liv, not right now." He didn't want to talk about this. He was still angry with her and couldn't believe that she would go and have lunch with her ex-boyfriend without telling him.

"Brian, please. I don't want you to be mad at me."

Brian looked down and felt guilty after hearing the weakness in her voice. He was angry but, he shouldn't have yelled at her. "I really have to get to work but, we'll talk tonight okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"Go home and get some rest. Call me if you need me," he tried.

"Bye," she whispered and turned away. She didn't want to go the whole day with them being mad at each other but, he had to work and she had to understand that.

"Liv." Brian pulled her back and gave her a quick kiss on the lips to show her that he still loves her. "Tonight, I promise."

She smiled weakly and nodded.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

After arriving at Brian's apartment, Olivia laid in his bed hoping to get some sleep.

Luckily, she was able to get a few hours as she woke up at 10 am. She had a quick breakfast and got ready for her therapy session.

Olivia arrived at Dr. Lindstrom's office, feeling anxious for today's session.

"Olivia, good to see you," Dr. Lindstrom greeted

"It's good to see you too, Doctor." She took a seat across from the doctor.

"So how are you feeling today, Olivia?" he started.

She took a breath and looked down. "I don't really know. I guess I'm feeling better than the last time. I only had one nightmare since last week's session."

"About your attack?"

She nodded.

"That's good that you're able to sleep more during the night. Anything else going on that you want to talk about? You said you don't really know how you're feeling. Why is that?"

She didn't really feel like talking about what happened with Brian but, this was supposed to make her feel better, right? It couldn't really hurt her.

"Brian and his partner worked a case with us for the past two days. We got into a fight and we haven't talked about it yet."

The doctor nodded. "What did you two fight about? About how you still didn't tell him what happened?" Olivia had told him in the previous session how Brian was upset that she hadn't talked to him about the attack.

"Kind of. He found out I had lunch with an ex-boyfriend the other day. Then he was upset because he thought I told my ex what had happened."

"Why did you keep it from him?"

"I knew that he would be upset. It wasn't a big deal but, I knew that Brian would make it one."

"Why do you think he would make it a big deal?"

She sighed and looked down at her feet. "He thinks David still has feelings for me," she admitted.

The doctor nodded and leaned forward. "Do you think he still has feelings for you?"

"Yeah," she answered, honestly. David admitted that he still has feelings for her but, even if he hadn't, she still knew.

"So you understand why he's upset?"

"I understand that he's mad. I get that."

"But?" he asked, feeling her wanting to say something else.

"But he needs to understand why I didn't tell him. I wasn't trying to keep anything from him. David and I had lunch as friends and Brian wouldn't have understood. David heard what happened and just wanted to see that I was okay. Brian doesn't know David like I do. David isn't the type to break up a relationship, whether he still has feelings for me or not. And Brian should trust me."

"If he doesn't know David like you do, then how can he know that?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. I guess he can't know that."

"Olivia, I can tell Brian cares deeply for you. He's stuck with you through this whole thing and I know you questioned the relationship before but, how you feel now?"

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged. "I just get scared sometimes that he won't be able to handle the relationship. I'm all over the place and emotional. I've been through a lot in my life and I never got this emotional about anything. I'm scared that he'll just up and leave."

"Why are you scared that he'll leave? Has he showed signs of not wanting this relationship anymore?"

Olivia kept quiet for a minute. She shook her head. "No but, Brian left SVU because he couldn't handle the victims. I'm scared that he sees me as a victim." She wiped the tear that fell from her eye.

"Olivia, you two love each other very much. He won't leave you unless you keep pushing him away. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think he's going to leave so you'll end up doing the things that will eventually make him leave. Olivia you need to let him in. He's only trying to help you."

"I know that but, every time I want to tell him, I get scared. It's not easy for me to talk about how I feel."

"You're doing a great job with me. Just think about it. You'll feel much better when you tell him."

She nodded. "Thanks. So next week?" She was done for the day.

"Of course." Dr. Lindstrom smiled.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Later that night...

Olivia was lying in bed that night watching tv. It was midnight so Brian should be home soon.

Brian walked in a few minutes later. "Hey."

She sat up when she saw him. "Hey, how was work?"

"The usual. How was your day?"

"It was alright. I had a session with Dr. Lindstrom, I cleaned around the apartment, and then I had dinner with the squad."

He stripped down to his boxers and sat on the bed. "That's good. How was your session?"

She shrugged. "We talked about you and how you're upset with me because I don't talk to you about Lewis."

He shook his head at her. "Olivia, that's not why I'm upset with you, I'm upset that you decided to have lunch with your ex who still has feelings for you and the fact that you went behind my back to do it. I'm upset that you keep pushing me away when all I want to do is help. If you're not comfortable telling me what happened, that's fine, but just tell me that instead of pretending that you're fine. All I want is for you to be honest with me."

She felt the tears forming in her eyes and she tried so hard to hold it in. "Brian, nothing happened with David. Nothing. We had lunch and talked but, it was nothing more than that. I just didn't want to tell you because I didn't want it to turn into something that it's not." she took a deep breath so that she wouldn't cry. "Brian, I love you and I don't want to be with anyone else but you."

Brian softly stroked her cheek, seeing that she was getting emotional. "I trust you, Liv. I just wish you would have told me."

She nodded against his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you and for pushing you away. I know you just want to help but, I'm not ready to talk about it."

"And I respect that, Liv. Just let me be there for you. You can tell me whenever you're ready but, please don't push me away."

She nodded and held his hand. "Okay, I'll try harder."

He leaned over and kissed her softly on her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled and kissed him back. "So I think I'm going to head home tomorrow. I feel like I should be home more." She didn't want to go to back but, she couldn't stay here forever either.

"Oh, okay," Brian said, disappointed. He enjoyed having her around all the time. He loved sleeping next to her every night and waking up next to her. Although, they had their problems, he wanted to spend every free moment he has with her.

He saw the look on Olivia's face. He knew that she didn't want to be in that apartment. She had only spent a week there, when they were mad at one another for those few days, since her apartment was ready. "Do you want to go back there? I mean besides everything that happened, I liked having you here. It was nice to come home to you every night and wake up next to you in the morning."

She smiled at him. "I liked it too but, I'll be okay."

He wanted to ask her something but, he's not sure how she'll react to this next step in their relationship. "How would you feel if we moved in together? I mean, we've both enjoyed the past few months living together."

She looked at him in shock. He was just mad at her and now he wants to move in together.

"Brian, do you really think we're ready for that? I mean, we still have our problems and-"

"Liv, every couple has problems but, we both love each other. I can't imagine doing this with anyone else. I think we're ready for the next step in our relationship."

"You're sure about this?" Olivia asked. She was happy that he wanted to take the next step. They both had commitment issues but, with each other, it was different. It felt right.

"Nothing would make me happier than to come home to you every day, babe. I'm absolutely sure about this," Brian explained.

She kept quiet. He held her hands. "Think about it? You don't have to give me an answer now," he told her.

Olivia paused for a moment before she grinned and her boyfriend. "Let's do it."

"Really?" he exclaimed.

She laughed. "Yeah, I want to do this."

Brian smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Brian."

* * *

**So what did you think? I would love to know if you liked it or hated it. Review please! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing, favoring, and following the story! You guys are absolutely the best and I hope my story is living up to your expectations. I wasn't sure about posting this story and I'm so glad that you guys like it! I basically just summed up the whole Tucker conversation because we all watched the episode and I didn't feel the need to write out the whole scene.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything you recognize :(**

* * *

_**Two weeks later...**_

Olivia and Brian had signed the lease on their new New York City apartment and were practically almost done moving in. Their new place was huge compared to their old apartments. It had a very modern feel to it. It was spacious and had a beautiful view overlooking the city.

Olivia was in love with the new apartment. She felt like she could breathe here. Like she didn't have to be afraid.

As for Brian, he doesn't really care where he lives. He just enjoys the fact that it's with the woman he loves.

Brian walked in with a medium sized box. "I can't wait to be done with this," he complained.

Olivia, who was unpacking the kitchen supplies, looked over at her boyfriend. "We just have a few more boxes left. We should be done by today." She set the empty box on the floor. "I can't believe we're actually doing this," she continued.

He set the box down on the kitchen island and walked over to her. He put his arms around her waist from the back, while she continued to unpack. "You ready for this?"

Olivia smiled and laughed. "Well we have no choice now, huh?"

He laughed. "Nope. You're stuck with me."

She laughed and held his hands that were still around her waist. "I'm just kidding. I am ready."

Brian kissed her neck and groaned. "Mm you smell good."

Olivia pushed him away, knowing where this way going. "And you're all sweaty," she joked.

He smiled and kissed her once more. "Fine, I'll go get the rest of the boxes."

As Brian went out the door, Olivia closed her eyes and let out a sigh. They hadn't had sex since Lewis. About two and a half months now. She felt guilty that she wasn't ready yet. She loves Brian but, she still sees Lewis in her nightmares and she's scared that might be the case when she's intimate with her boyfriend. She just feels so guilty when Brian does things like that and she has to make up some stupid excuse. Brian never brought it up but, he knew she was struggling. He had to. Before Lewis, they had an amazing sex life. Now it was nonexistent.

She was shaken out of her thoughts when Brian walked back in with another two boxes. "What do you have in these boxes? It feels like a dead body."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Shoes."

"Damn, how many pairs do you have?" he asked as he set the boxes down next to the couch.

"Hey, a girl loves her shoes."

"Yeah and I like my horn but, you won't let me put it up in the living room," he said as he picked up the huge horn.

Olivia laughed. "You can put it up somewhere where no one will see it."

"Fine. You're just jealous I love this horn more than you."

She rolled her eyes. "Ok go take your new love into the bedroom and hang it up there."

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

_**Later that night...**_

Brian and Olivia had finally finished cleaning and unpacking everything.

They sat on the couch, enjoying a bottle of wine.

Brian noticed the smirk on Olivia's face. "What?"

"After thirteen years, here we are. It's just weird that it took us this long."

He nodded and smiled. "Well you broke my heart so I didn't have a choice."

She playfully smacked him on the chest. "You're never going to let me live it down, are you?"

"No. You just used me for sex," he joked.

She laughed. "I thought we both used each other for sex."

"Yeah at first, I did. Then I started getting feelings for you. I mean I always had feelings for you from the day we started working together but, I didn't want to get serious with anyone. Then after our night together, I realized that maybe getting serious with you wouldn't be such a bad thing," he admitted.

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready for a relationship at that time."

Brian laughed. "Liv, you don't have to apologize. It was thirteen years ago."

"Well you're making me feel bad," she defended in a playful manner.

"Ok, my fault." He reached over and gently pulled her towards him. He gave her a kiss on her nose then her lips. "Well look where we are now."

Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist. "I couldn't be happier."

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Olivia woke up the next morning and smiled, remembering they were in their new apartment.

She glanced over at Brian, who was in deep sleep. She couldn't believe that she would wake up like this every morning.

Half an hour later, she was ready to go back to work after taking a week off to move.

Olivia walked into the squad room with a smile on her face.

"Don't look too happy. Tucker is with the captain, waiting on you," Nick busted her bubble.

She gave Nick a confused look. "What does he want?"

Nick shrugged. "I have no idea."

She started walking towards Cragen's office.

"Good luck," Nick called.

Olivia turned around and jokingly glared at him. She knocked on the door and waited for Cragen's approval.

"Come in," Cragen barked.

Olivia walked in and closed the door behind her. "I heard you were waiting on me."

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Tucker walked out of the office after explaining their new case. Brian had told her about Officer Groves' encounter with the 12th precinct and how he got tased the other night. Brian had said he wanted to go to IAB but, Olivia talked him out of it. Now Tucker wanted them to investigate a rape claim against that precinct.

Cragen and Olivia filled the rest of the squad in on their new case and they began to investigate.

Olivia and Nick walked out of the precinct to start their investigation.

"Wait, what do you mean you think Cassidy went to IA?" Nick questioned.

She walked over to the passenger side of the car while Nick headed for the driver's side. "Brian was with Groves when he got tased."

"Well what does Cassidy say?"

"I don't know. I can't get a hold of him," Olivia answered.

With that, they went to talk to their witness.

Olivia kept calling and texting Brian all day but, he never answered her back. She wanted to know if he went to IAB.

Their leads were all dead ends and they had nothing else to go on so they got sent home for the night.

Olivia got home and had a quick dinner then tried calling Brian again.

Still no answer.

She decided on a nice hot bubble bath until Brian arrived. He should be home within the next hour or so.

Olivia hopped in the big tub that she had filled with hot water and bubbles. She laid her head on the small towel and felt her body relax. She sipped on her wine and closed her eyes. She hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia opened her eyes when she heard the front door.

"Liv," Brian called.

"In here," she called back.

Brian found his way to the bathroom. "Hey, sorry to disturb you," he said as he leaned down to kiss her.

"It's okay." She set her wine glass on the side. "I've been calling you all day," she informed him.

"It's been a crazy day. After they put Groves in the psych ward, I've been doing double the work," he explained and sat on the edge of the tub.

"A text would've been nice."

He rolled his eyes. "Are you really going to make a big deal about this?"

Olivia could tell he was in a bad mood. "Tucker came by the squad today. Did you go to IAB, Brian?"

"No but, Tucker came to me. He wants me to go undercover at the 12th," Brian informed her.

"What did you say?"

"I told him no but, he promised me my shield back if I do this."

She nodded. Tucker was a real piece of work to bribe Brian with his detective shield.

"Anyways, finish your bath. I'm going to get ready for bed." Brian gave her a kiss on her forehead then went to their bedroom.

After another 10 minutes, Olivia stood up and grabbed her towel. She changed into the shorts and a tank top that she had sitting in the bathroom for after her bath. She walked into their bedroom to see Brian lying on their bed. She crawled in next to him but, he didn't say a word. She could tell he had a bad day at work.

"So you're going undercover?" she asked as she lay down next to him and wrapped her arms around him. She didn't want him to do this. It was very dangerous, especially to go undercover in a tight knit precinct like the 12th. If he was found, it could put him in great danger.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"It's too dangerous, Brian. They're cops."

"I know that. I've been undercover for three years," he replied, harshly.

She started to move away from him but, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her back in. "I'm sorry. I had a bad day at work. I shouldn't take it out on you," he apologized.

"It's okay. I just want you to come home safe, that's all," she whispered as he played with her hair.

"I know, babe. I won't do it if you're not comfortable with it."

"Brian, it's your choice. I know you want your shield back and you deserve it. I know you can handle it but, that doesn't stop me from caring."

He nodded and kissed her head. "Let's get some sleep, huh?"

They both stayed quiet until they finally fell asleep.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Olivia was sitting at her desk the next afternoon. Tucker had just come in and told her that Brian decided to go undercover after Tucker promised him his shield back. He also informed Olivia that she and Nick would be his look out if that made her more comfortable with the situation.

Olivia and Nick had been following Brian and Officer West, from the 12th, for four hours now. There was a call at a club that a girl was getting rowdy. Brian and West took her home. West insisted that he take her up.

Olivia looked over at Nick. "Are we just going to let this happen?"

"Liv, it's consensual."

"Consensual? She's drunk! Brian should go up there."

"They're testing him. She's drunk but, she still knows what she's doing."

West came down and beeped the horn when he saw Brian dozing off. West got into the car and Brian looked over at him. "So Gretchen, my turn?" Brian asked.

"Next time. Quinn needs backup," West replied.

West drove off and a few minutes later they were met up with Quinn and the rookie. Quinn ordered the rookie to stay outside and listen to the radio for any calls that might come in. West and Quinn led Brian into the building.

Olivia and Nick sat outside the building, listening to a woman who was coming on to Brian. They heard her lead Brian to a private room to have "some fun".

Olivia and Nick sat there in an awkward silence when they heard Brian moaning.

Nick looked over at Olivia and saw her blankly staring outside the window. "He's just working."

She kept her gaze still. "I know."

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Olivia sat at her desk when Brian rushed into the squad room. "Hey Liv, listen what you thought you heard-"

Olivia stood up. "You were working."

"Yeah."

"So we don't have to talk about it."

"Look, it was nothing-"

"Tucker is waiting for us," she says as she walks away.

The rest of the day got more dangerous. While Rollins was undercover in the room, West got a call. He called for Brian that they had to leave. They were in the stairway when West and Quinn pulled their guns on Brian, making him as an undercover cop. They put in a fake 911 call as they drove him away from the building. The call led the detectives to where they had taken Cassidy. Before the officers took their shots on Cassidy, the detectives quickly got there in time.

After closing their case, Brian gave Tucker the key that Groves handed him the day he got tased. He urged Tucker to get Groves' release and he will find out.

Brian signed Groves out and took him home to his family. After Brian dropped Groves off, he went on his way home.

* * *

**Hmm what will Olivia say about the girl coming on to Brian? Stay tuned! Please review! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia was in bed that night, thinking about everything that had happened today. She couldn't believe the she had almost lost Brian. What would she do without him?

She was sad and angry at the same time. Not angry at Brian. Angry at herself. They hadn't been intimate since her attack. Brian never once brought it up, knowing that she wasn't ready and not wanting to make it a big deal. That didn't stop Olivia from feeling guilty.

If she wasn't going to give it to him then he would get it from someone else. That thought had always been in the back of her mind but, tonight, it was all she could think about. Olivia was shaken from her thoughts when heard footsteps and knew Brian had arrived.

Brian walked into their bedroom and saw Olivia lying in bed.

When she saw him, she turned to face the other way.

Brian got undressed then lay down next to her. "Liv, can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about Brian." Olivia was exhausted. She didn't want to have this conversation. She was way too emotional to think straight.

He moved closer to her. "Olivia, nothing happened. You have to believe me."

"I do believe you," she whispered and kept her back to him.

"Please look at me," he begged.

"I believe you, okay? Can we just go to bed? It's been a long day."

Brian can hear the sadness and anger in her voice. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with this tonight so he let out a sigh and nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "Yeah." He gave her a kiss on the head. He turned the other way, wanting to give her space for the night.

After ten minutes, Olivia's soft even breathing was the only sound in the room, indicating that she was sound asleep. However, Brian lay there wide awake with the events of the night replaying in his head. He felt like an ass for putting her through that. He could only imagine the look on her face, having to sit in that car with her partner, listening to her boyfriend with another woman. Although, nothing happened but a few kisses, she didn't know that. Brian hated to be put in that situation but, he had to make it seem real in case the officers were listening in on them.

The only thing she heard was his moans of pleasure. Well, what she thought were moans of pleasure. After what she had gone through with Lewis, Brian knew she wasn't ready to be intimate and he never pushed her on that subject. He never even brought it up because, to him, it wasn't a big deal. He knew she felt guilty for it and it kills him that she had to listen in to what she thought was going on with another woman.

Brian looked over her, amazed at how peaceful she looked when she slept. She had been to hell and back but, she was still the strongest person he had even known. That's one of the things he loved about her. No matter what she had been through or what she's going through, she would always find a way to push through. Olivia has faced so many challenges throughout her lifetime. Brian knew about her difficult childhood and all her failed relationships. He knew about everyone that has let her down, including her old partner. He prayed that he would never be on that list. He wanted to be there for her, no matter what happens. He loves her. He was truly in love with Olivia Benson. He never expected that the Olivia Benson he met 13 years ago would be the love of his life today. Brian smiled at the idea.

Brian scooted closer to her and held her to closely to his chest. He loved how peaceful she looks and he wanted her to feel safe as he held her while she slept.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

The next morning, Brian woke up at 9 am and saw that Olivia had already left. He knew she had a therapy session before work.

Olivia sat across from Dr. Lindstrom, waiting for him to start.

The doctor cleared his throat. "Olivia, how've you been since the last time we met up? Have you talked to Brian at all about what happened?"

Olivia looked at the ground. "I didn't tell him what happened but, we talked about it. He was upset that I was pretending to be fine when I wasn't. He just wanted me to tell him I wasn't ready to talk about it instead of telling him I was fine. So I told him that I wasn't ready and he was okay with that."

"So you feel better now?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

"Why not?"

She looked up at the doctor and she really wasn't in the mood to talk about it but, he was there to help and she needed help. "I feel guilty."

Dr. Lindstrom shifted in his seat. They were getting somewhere. "What is it that you feel guilty for? Not telling Brian what happened?"

"No, well yeah but, I mostly feel guilty for holding him back."

The doctor nodded. "And how are you holding him back?"

Olivia closed her eyes, feeling the tears forming. She had kept this in since the whole thing with Lewis happened. She needed to talk about it and finally let it out. She opened her eyes but, kept them focused on the ground. "Brian went undercover for a case we were working on. My partner and I were his lookouts. Brian was assigned to the officer, who we suspected was raping women. The officer and his usual partner took Brian to a club or something at the end of their shift, and a woman took Brian to private room. My partner and I could hear him through the radio-" she paused, wiping away at the few tears that fell from her eyes.

"What did you hear?" The doctor hoped it wasn't what he thought.

Olivia took a breath and continued, "All we heard was moaning coming from both of them but, he swore that it was nothing."

Dr. Lindstrom handed her a tissue. "Do you believe him? Or do you think something more happened?"

She shrugged. "I really want to believe him but, I don't know."

Dr. Lindstrom could sense there was more that she wasn't telling him. "You said that you feel guilty? Why does that make you feel guilty?"

"Brian and I have not been intimate since it all happened. He's never brought it up but, I know that it's something he thinks about." She started picking at the dirt under her fingernails. "I feel guilty for not being able to be intimate with him. I mean, if he's not getting it from me, he'll get it from someone else."

The doctor leaned forward. "Olivia, you shouldn't feel guilty about not being ready. You have been through a lot and it's understandable that you're not ready. I'm sure Brian understands that."

Olivia just shrugged and kept quiet.

"Do you think he's cheating on you?"

She quickly looked up. "No, I just think that he'll eventually get tired of waiting for me to be ready. I know that he probably got turned on by that woman, whether something happened or not. It's been over two months and he is a guy so I don't blame him."

"Olivia, you need to be ready. Don't worry about Brian. I'm sure he's willing to wait. You just need to focus on yourself, okay?"

Olivia nodded. "I'll try."

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Olivia got to work an hour after her session. It was a slow day and they were working on paperwork until a case came in. Well Olivia and Amanda were working on paperwork. Fin and Nick found more enjoyment in flicking a paper football around.

Fin flicked it in Olivia's direction, seeing that she was deep in thought. As soon as it hit her head, laughter filled the room.

Olivia looked up and glared at Fin, trying to hold back the smile threatening to escape her lips. "Will you guys stop it with this stupid thing," she said as she threw it in the trash.

"Oh c'mon, Liv, we're only messing with you," Fin replied as he leaned back in his chair. He leaned a little too far as he found himself slam to the floor.

They all busted out laughing and Fin couldn't help but laugh along.

"That's what you get," Olivia told him with a grin then walked away.

The detectives got back to their paperwork. A few minutes later, they saw Brian walking in to the squad room.

"Cassidy, my man," Fin exclaimed.

"Hey guys, is Liv here? I tried calling her and she wasn't picking up."

"She's in the locker room," Nick replied.

Brian nodded at Nick and walked in the direction of the locker room.

Olivia closed her locker and looked up when she heard the door.

"Hey."

"Uh hey, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I tried calling you to see if you wanted to grab some lunch. You weren't picking up so I figured I would drop by."

She checked her phone. "Sorry, I just saw the call. I'm actually not really that hungry."

"Oh, did you have a big breakfast?"

"Just some coffee. I'm just not hungry right now."

Brian looked at her and saw that she wouldn't even look at him. "You want to go for a walk then, maybe talk?" He really wanted to talk to her about last night.

Before she answered he added, "It's clearly slow so don't make that excuse that you have work to do."

She let out sigh. "Brian, I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"Then when should we talk about it, Olivia?" He asked, trying to hide the frustration in his voice.

"What's there to talk about, Brian? I already told you I believe you."

"No because if you believed me you would be able to look me in eyes which you haven't done since before this case."

She looked at him, in the eye this time. "I'm not going to fight about this. I'm already having a shitty day and it barely even started so just drop it."

He walked up to her. "No, I'm not going to drop it. I was doing my job. I haven't done anything wrong."

"Your job is having sex with some slut?" she asked, harshly.

Brian looked like he had just gotten punched in the face. "First of all, I never had sex with anyone since we have been together. Second of all, you said you believed me and it's obvious that you don't." This time he didn't hide his frustration.

Olivia quickly wiped away hers. "Brian, I really can't do this right now," she said, weakly. "Can we please just drop it?"

"No, we haven't talked about anything that has happened because you didn't want to talk about it. And I've always dropped it whenever you would ask but, not this. We're going to talk about this now," he replied. He needed to know what was going on in her head. He's dropped every other subject because she had asked him too, but not this time.

Olivia looked at him in shock. He was always willing to drop a subject when she felt uncomfortable and now he wanted to talk about it. Now, when she was at work. Now, when she had a difficult session this morning.

"We can do this when I get home tonight. I'm not doing this here." She tried to walk past him but he grabbed her arm.

"You don't get to call the shots about this." He gripped her around the waist.

Olivia quickly pushed his hands away. "Get your hands off of me! I don't care that you screwed another woman! I don't care that I don't believe you! Just leave me alone!" She tried to push past him but, he wouldn't budge.

Brian held her still, even though she kept trying to get out of his grip. "Olivia stop. Listen to me; I didn't have sex with her. We kissed but, that was it. I was undercover and I had to make it look real. It was nothing more than that," he calmly explained to her.

Olivia just stood there with tears falling from her eyes.

Brian tried to wipe them away but, she wouldn't let him. "Olivia, why would I ever do that to you? Don't you know how much I love you? Don't you know that I would never let anyone get in between us?" he tried again.

Olivia took a deep breath and wiped her face. "I just feel guilty."

Brian looked at her, confused. "What are you talking about? Feel guilty about what?"

"Can we sit down?" she asked. She had to tell him before this gets out of hand. She had to be honest with him. She wasn't ready to tell him about what Lewis had done to her but; she had to tell him this.

He led them to the bench and sat down next to her. "Talk to me," he said and wiped her face. This time, she let him.

"Brian, I know that the whole Lewis thing got in the way of our relationship. We haven't had sex in over two months and I don't want to hold you back. I don't want you to feel stuck in this relationship because you feel bad for me. You deserve someone who is ready to give you everything you want."

"So you think I'm going to cheat on you because we haven't had sex in a while? Liv, you need time and I'm willing to wait until you're ready. I would never even look at another girl. I'll wait forever, if that's what it takes." He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him.

"Really?" she whispered.

"Well maybe not forever. You're too hot to resist," he joked.

She let out a small laugh. "Thanks for making me talk about this."

"Thanks for not killing me. You looked like you were ready to pull your gun out and shoot me," he joked again.

She smiled and shook her head.

Brian kissed her forehead and she leaned into him. "Olivia, I promise you that nothing happened with that woman. We kissed and that was it. I didn't feel anything for her or anyone else. And I would never even think of being with another woman, now that I have you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would never ruin that."

She looked up at him. "Okay, I believe you."

"Promise?"

"Promise." She smiled and kissed him softly.

SVU~SVU~SVU~SVU

Olivia sat at her desk after she had walked Brian out. She knew that the squad probably heard their fight but, she hoped they didn't hear what it was about. She didn't want them to hear her insecurities.

Fin and Amanda kept their attention on their paperwork while Nick glanced at her. He leaned over his desk slightly and whispered, "Everything okay?"

She nodded. "Everything is fine."

Nick nodded and didn't push it any further, seeing that he was not going to get anywhere with this conversation.

* * *

**So what'd ya think?**

**I would love some suggestions/advice/feedback. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! :D**


End file.
